I was asked out by my last table at The Bistro last night, and although I do not plan to have dinner with the gentleman, were I not involved with someone already, I might have considered it.
And because this oft-hit-on waitress does not often consider actually taking a tableside flirtation to the next level, I thought I would pass along this gentleman's method for those of you out there who might ever want to ask your waitress (or waiter) out.
Rule #1: Err on the side of politeness. While it became obvious as soon as the two gentlemen were seated in my section that one of them fancied me, this is only because my woman-senses are very finely tuned to that sort of thing. Being obvious about your attraction to your friendly server will only turn him/her off completely.
Rule #2: Buy whatever your server tells you to. Yes, I am trying to make a buck here, but I'm not going to sell a table some expensive bottle of wine that's not very good. If you're willing to drop coin (this man was), *and* you're
listening to everything I say, I'm going to notice both of these things. And you're going to have a nice dinner because I know what I'm talking about.
Rule #3: Subtlety, subtlety, subtlety. When the gentleman asked me (being emboldened after consuming two bottles of my well-chosen wine with his friend) what nights I worked at The Bistro, I knew what was coming. But I quickly turned the conversation around to the fact that I worked days at The Restaurant, and told him and his friend what a nice Restaurant it was and that they should dine there. The gentleman then turned the conversation back around to me by remarking that it was nice that I have most of my evenings free (I work lunches at The Restaurant), and I realized again what was coming and quickly excused myself from the table.
Rule #4: Leave any sexual overtures at the door. When I'm serving you, it's my job to talk to you and if you're overtly hitting on me that makes it hard. We're not in a club or a bar, you're out on the town and I'm in my place of employment. Don't put me in a sticky situation. Once, at a venerable four-star institution in the Wine Country where I come from, a table of two young men (attractive, wealthy, and overall despicable) got drunker and drunker, and more and more forward. It got to the point where they asked me "So, what time are you off?" (Never, ever, ask your server this. This is a terrible line.) and wouldn't take "no" for an answer when inviting me to join them for a cocktail in a far-away town. A couch was offered as a sleeping place, and then one joshed the other that where I was really wanted was in bed. I responded tartly with, "Oh! Well, if *that's* the case, why don't I just give you my phone number and you can come over later and we'll have sex?" The gentlemen looked at me, astounded, meekly paid their bill (tipping the correct 20%), and left the restaurant. And that one-liner came directly from my manager.
Rule #5: Leave the restaurant before it's too late. By the time these two gentlemen left The Bistro last night, it was late but I didn't' hate them yet. I was having a good old time with my manager and the bartender trying to figure out how he was going to drop the question, and I was right-he'd been spending an overly long time signing his credit card slip, and I figured he was writing me a note.
Rule #6: Tip 20%. This is a good tip amount. Any less and you're a cheapskate, any more and you're desperate.
On his way out the door, the gentleman handed me a folded piece of paper, saying, "This is for YOU," He could've left it in the check presenter (because a waiter is the only one who ever touches a check presenter from their table, unless a manager picks it up, in which case he will hand it to the waiter without opening it. Unspoken service rule #435), but I appreciated his boldness (brought on by my exceptionally well-selected wine).
The note read: "His Name" and then his telephone number (he was visiting from Chicago). Next line: 415 (the name of the restaurant I'd recommended). Next line: Tuesday night (my next night off). 8pm. Dinner? Next line: Call me!
This is the perfect way to ask out your server. Put everything completely in his/her hands, leave before you embarrass yourself (because the server will most likely share all details of the interaction with his/her coworkers), and don't be too disappointed if he/she doesn't call you back. This man was attractive, nice, well-spoken, and polite. Under other circumstances, I probably would have called him.
6 comments:
So why didn't you call him?
Because she has a boyfriend.
At least he knew the right way to go about it...
Enlightening post.
I would NEVER make advances towards a waitress unless she did so first.
I've spent time in a restaurant working as a prep chef. The servers get hit on ALL the time - restaurants for whatever reason (perhaps b/c your getting waited on and its the servers job to be friendly) are magnets for boldness.
Not to mention, it's completely inappropriate. Friendly banter is fine - but taking it to the next level seems desperate.
Very interesting. What if, however, it seems as if the waitress is hitting on you? There is a waitress at a sushi place we frequent (I don't drink so it couldn't have been wine or sake), she's stunning, better yet she is so much fun to be around.
She keeps touching me, my shoulders, my back, and has made a few sexual references. Also, she hangs out for long stretches at a time at our table.
The problem is 1). I can be dense 2). She's kinda flirty with other guests 3). I don't want to ruin things by asking her out b/c I like to eat there and I like her company 4). I really really like this girl so perhaps that's clouding how I'm assessing the situation.
I like your advice except I don't agree with the part about leaving your number with the server. In my experience women don't call until they feel comfortable with you and/or are attracted to you. Most times it requires you taking the initiative to call and make dates. By giving out your number you end up handing over all the power to the server who gets hit on frequently and may not be that interested in you at first. If she doesn't call it makes it awkward to return to the restaurant for you and for her. It may be better just to tell her that you noticed she works hard and ask her when is the last time someone took her out for dinner. Then observe. If she tells you her boyfriend took her out last week then you saved face by not asking her out. You can then respond by acting surprised and with a smile say, "Oh you have a boyfriend.... Well I'm glad you have someone to keep you company when I'm not around. Make sure to smile and be confident when saying this. It's really just to tease her. This will at least make it ok for you to return to the restaurant in the future. If she doesn't mention a boyfriend but says something like she's been too busy working to get out or it's been a while etc. Tell her you'll take her out on her next day off. If she says sounds good tell her to give you her degits and you'll SMS her the details. This way she doesn't have to worry about you calling her and wanting to talk and her having to say no over the phone if she decides later that she doesn't want to go out with you. The bottom line is you don't want to leave the ball in her court. If you do she has 50 balls to choose from and she won't choose yours. Chances are she won't choose any and she'll wait for a guy who knows what he wants and knows how to get it. One thing is for certain if she's attractive she is likely seeing someone (and in some cases seeing more than one person). So you have to be ready for that. Have fun and be sincere, but keep your pride. I have never known a single guy who ever left his number with an attractive woman he hardly knew and got a call back unless the woman was nuts. I don't know everything though. If you're a woman and you've had numbers slipped to you and you've called I want to hear about it.
Post a Comment